Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can I color on your dick again?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
