when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
