k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
