Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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