woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
