I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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