I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i out mim tonsoeep
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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