last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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