What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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