smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
