That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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