Moan for me like Helen Keller
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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