if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
