Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
