We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
