Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize