i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
