so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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