yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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