Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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