Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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