I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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