I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
