The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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