i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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