If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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