He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize