he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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