Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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