the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
