Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
