p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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