I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
