i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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