I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
