I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
