Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
