i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
