im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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