u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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