4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
