i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
