everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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