If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
organizing the empties. That sober.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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