She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Floor bacon is actually really good
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
