White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
