Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The adults are the big ones right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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