I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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