the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
