i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
