Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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