he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We are two peas in an std pod
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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