the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
