yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
