Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
