In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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