Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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