Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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