it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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