I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
