Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
