Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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