you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
