My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
