See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.