I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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