god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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