my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
